At 52, SLB looks back at a long and self-admittedly loveless life and a career he’s proud of
He turned 52 this week. And Sanjay Leela Bhansali seems quite satisfied with the years gone by.
It was a working birthday for SLB, who says, “I feel I am at that stage of life when all my hard work, all the knowledge and experiences I’ve gathered over the years have come to fruition. I feel more fulfilled and complete today than I did when I was 40.”
He is far more open to new ideas now. “I am more adventurous now. I am more fearless as an artiste. I am working with various kinds of talent. I directed an opera in Paris in 2008. Now I want to do more of the things that I can do if I have a team around me. Today, I am working far harder than I did five years ago. I put in nearly 20 hours every day. And I am enjoying every bit of it.”
Birthdays per se are meaningless to the Bajirao Mastani director. “As children, my sister and I had no birthday parties. We would take a packet of sweets to school and distribute it to our classmates. That was it. We never had birthday parties. Nor were we allowed to go to parties. Now, it has become a habit to be on my own on my birthday. And I am very happy that way.”
He is at peace with his single status. “There were relationships that didn’t work out. I am basically a nomadic loner. I have chosen the life I lead. And I am not capable of moving ahead with the baggage of a relationship.”
As a child, he saw relationships crumble around him. That influenced him. “Every individual is a sum-total of his past experiences. I’ve seen relationships traumatise people. Maybe that’s why I am wary of them,” he says.
That being said, he’d change nothing in his life, given the chance. “Nothing at all. All the pain, suffering, love, passion and conflict have made me what I am. I make passionate love stories because I don’t have love in my life. My art completes my life. My life may be unfulfilled. But it isn’t unhappy.”
Self-realisation is why he makes movies. He says, “I make them for selfish reasons. When I make a film about a physically challenged person I come away with so much. I learn to value what I have. My survival instinct sharpened after Black and Guzaarish.”
At heart, though, SLB remains a recluse. “I’m petrified of facing the camera. Even to shoot for a photograph is an ordeal. But it’s important to break free of your inhibitions at some point in your life. As long as what you do reaches out to people, I don’t think there’s any reason to stop yourself from doing anything.”
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